u/ ■ * 







No. CIX. 

THE MINOR DRAMA 



HI-A-WA-THA; 

OR. 

.ARDENT SPIRITS AND LAUGHING WATER. 
A MUSICAL EXTRAVAGANZA. 

BY CHARLES M. WALCOT. 

WITH CAST OF CHARACTERS, STAGE BUSINESS, COSTUMES, 
RELATIVE POSITIONS, &c, &c. 



') 



AS PERFORMED AT THE PRINCIPAL THEATRES. 



NEW YORK: 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 

122 Nassau Street. 
PRICE,j 12* CENTS. 



FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA, 

Price 12)4 Cents each.— Bound Volnmes $1. 



VOL. I. 

1. Ion, 

2. Fazio, 

3. The Lady of Lyons, 

4. Richelieu, > 

5. The Wife, 

6. The Honeymoon, 

7. The School for Scandal 

8. Money, 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mrs, A. C. 
MO WATT. 

VOL. V. 

33. A New Way to Pay 

Old Debts, 

34. Look Before You Leap 

35. King John, 

36. Nervous Man, 

37. Damon and Pythias, 
33. Clandestine Marriage 

39. William Tell, 

40. Day after the Wedding 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir or G. COLMAN, 
the Elder. 

VOL. IX. 

65. Love, 

66. As You Like It, 

67. The Elder Brother, 

68. Werner, 

69. Gisippus, 

70. Town and Country. 

71. King Lear, 

72. Blue Devils, 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mrs. SHAW. 



VOL. XIII. 

97. Soldier's Daughter, 

93. Douglas, 

99. Marco Spada, 

100. Nature's Nobleman, 

101. Sard anapalus, 

102. Civilization, 

103. The Robbers, 

104. Katharine and Pe- 

truchio. 
With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mr. EDWIN 
FOREST. 



VOL. II. 

9. The Stranger, 

10. Grandfather White- 

11. Richard III. [head, 

12. Love's Sacrifice, 

13. The Gamester, [ache, 

14. A Cure for the Heart- 

15. The Hunchback, 

16. Don Csesar de Bazan, 
With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mr. CHARLES 
KEAN. 

VOL. VI. 

41. Speed the Plough, 

42. Romeo and Juliet, 

43. Feudal Times, 

44. Charles the Twelfth, 

45. The Bridal, 

46. The Follies of a Night 

47. The Iron Chest, 

48. Faint Heart Never 

Won Fair Lady, 



VOL. III. 

17. The Poor Gentleman, 

18. Hamlet, 

19. Charles II. 

20. Venice Preserved, 

21. Pizarro, 

22. The Love Chase, 

23. Othello, [lings 

24. Lend me Five Siiil- 
With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mr. W. E. BUR- 
TON. 

VOL. VII. 

49. Road to Ruin, 

50. Macbeth, 

51. Temper, 

52. Evadne, 

53. Bertram, 

54. The Duenna, 

55. Much Ado About No- 

thing, 

56. The Critic, 



With a Portrait and Me- With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of E. BULWER moir of R. B. SHERI- 
LYTTON. DAN. 



VOL. XVII. 

129. Camille, 

130. Married Life, 

131. Wenlock of Wenlock 

132. Rose of Ettrickvale, 

133. David Copperfield 

134. Aline, or the Rose ofj 142, 

135. Pauline, [Killarney, 143. 

136. Jane Eyre. | 144 



VOL. X. 

73. Henry VIII. 

74. Married and Single, 
75.' Henry IV. 

76. Paul Pry. 

7T. Guy Mannerlng, 

78. Sweethearts and 

Wives, 

79. Serious Family. 

80. She Stoops to Con- 

quer, 
With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Miss C. CUSH- 
MAN. 

VOL. XIV. 

105. Game of Love, 

106. Midsummer Night's 

Dream, 

107. Ernestine, 

108. Rag Picker of Paris, 

109. Flying Dutchman, 

110. Hypocrite, 

111. Therese, 

112. La Tour do Nesle, 
With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mr. JOHN 
BROUGHAM. 

VOL. XVIII. 

137. Night and Morning, 

138. .(Ethiop, 

139. Three Guardsmen, 

140. Tom Cringle, [ken. 

141. Henriette, theForsa- 
Eustache Baudin, 
Ernest Maltravers, 
Bold Dragoons. 



VOL. XI 

81. Julius Caesar, 

82. Vicar of Wakefield, 

83. Leap Year, 

84. The Catspaw, 

85. The Passing Cloud, 

86. Drunkard, 

87. Rob Roy, 

88. George Barnwell, 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mrs. JOHN 
SEFTON. 



VOL. XV. 

113. Ireland As It Is, 

114. Sea of Ice. 

115. Seven Clerks, 

116. Game of Life, 

117. Forty Thieves, 

118. Bryan Boroihme, 

119. Romance & Reality. 

120. Ugolino, 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mr. BARNEY 
WILLIAMS. 

VOL. XIX. 

145. Dred, or the Dismal 

Swamp, 

146. Last Days of Pom- 

147. Esmeralda, [peii, 

148. Peter Wilkins, 

149. Ben 'he Boatswain, 

150. Jonathan Bradford, 

151. Retribution, 

152. Minerali. 



VOL. XXI. 

161. All's Fair in Love, 

162. Hofer, 

163. Self, 

164. Cinderella, 

165. Phantom, 

166. Franklin, 

167. The Gunmaker of 

Moscow, 

168. The Love of a Prince 



VOL. XXII. 

169. Son of the Night 

170. Rory O'More, 

171. Golden Eagle, 

172. Rienzi. 

173. Broken Sword, 

174. Rip Van Winkle, 

175. Isabelle. 

176. Heart of Midlothian, 



VOL. IV. 

25. Virginius, 

26. King of the Commons 

27. London Assurance, 

28. The Rent Day, 

29. Two Gentlemen of 

Verona, 

30. The Jealous Wife, 

31. The Rivals, 

32. Perfection, 

A\"ith a Portrait and Me- 
moir of J. 11. HACKETT 

VOL. VIII. 

57. The Apostate, 

58. Twelfth Night, 
59 Brutus, 

60. Simpson & Co. 

61. Merchant of Venice, 

62. Old Heads and Young 



63. Mountaineers. 

64. Three Weeks After 

Jh.rriage. 
With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mr. GEORGE 
H. BARRETT. 

VOL. XII. 

89. Ingomar, 

90. Sketches in India, 

91. Two Friends, 

92. Jane Shore, 

93. Corsicaa Brothers, 

94. Mind Your Own Bus- 

iness, 

95. Writing on the Wall, 

96. Heir at Law, I 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mr. THOMAS 
HAMBLIN. 

VOL. XVI. 

121. The Tempest, 

122. The Pilot, 

123. Carpenter of Rouen, 

124. King's Rival, 

125. Little Treasure, 

126. Dombey and Son, 

127. Parents and Guard- 

128. Jewess. fians, 



vol. xxni. 

177. Actress of Padua, 185. 

178. Floating Beacon, 186. 

179. Bride of Lammer- 187 
moor, [ges, 188 

180. Cataract of the Gan- 189 

181. Robber of the Rhine 190 

182. School of Reform, 191 

183. Wandering Boys, 192 

184. Mazeppa. 

[ Catalogue continued on third page of cover.] 



VOL. XX. 

French Spy, 

Wept of Wish-ton 

Wish, 
Evil Genius, 
Ben Bolt, 
Sailor of France, 
Red Mask, 
Life of an Actress, 
Wedding Day. 

VOL. XXIV. 

Young New York 
The Victims. 
Romance after Mar- 
Brigand, [riage, 
Poor of New York, 
Ambrose Gwinctt, 
Raymond and Agnes, 
Gainbler's Fate, 



THE MINOR DRAMA 

No. CIX. 



HIAWATHA: 

OR, 

ARDENT SPIRITS AND LAUGHING WATER. 



A 

MUSICAL EXTRAVAGANZA, 



TWO ACTS. 

BY CHARLES MV WALCOT, 

Author of" Washington, or the Spirit of '76 ;" " Giovanni in Gotham j? 
,4 Fried Shots;" " The Dons not Done ;" " Britannia and Hihcrnia ;" 
"Edith ;" "The Haunted Man ;" " David Copperficld ;" •' Frank 
McLaughlin ;" " Richard HI. to Kill ;" '« Hohoken ;" " ^1 
(rood Fellow;" " O/tZ Friends and New Faces ;" " .4 
Stitch in Time ;" '• 7%6 Customs of the Coun- 
try," "Patience and Perseverance;" 
" Snip Snap" cf-c. cfc. 



TO WHICH ARE ADDKD, 

A Description of the Costume — Cast of the Characters — Entrances and Exit*— 

Relative Positions of the Performers on the Stage., and the whole of the 

Stase Business. 



hwred according to Act of Concresa, in the Year One Thousand Eight Hundred and Fifty-Six, by Chat. M. WaJooC, 
In the Clerk'a Office of the District court of the United Statea for the Southern DUtrict of New York. 



NEW YORK : 

SAMUEL FRENCH, 

121 NASSAU-STREET. 



Cast of tt)c Characters.— (Hiawatha.) 

Fir*^ ■produced at Wallaces Theatre, N. Y., under Mr. Stuart's man- 
agement, Thursday, Dec 25///, 1S56. 

Hiawatha — a character strikingly more in the style 

of a Short-Boy than a Lono-Fellow Mr. Walcot. 

Nukkleundah — a creation, a la Frankenstein " Reynolds. 

Gitc/ti Manito— great, viewed as a spirit, but, as a 

part, a " Small Potato" " Levere. 

Wabun — a down east Indian " H. B. Philips. 

Kabuionokka — of the north '" Lee. 

Shawondasce — of the south " Harrison. 

Ycnadizzi — the original *• Young New York". ... " C. Stuart. 

Dumniidortur — a-n-arrow-minded person, father vt' 

Minnehaha " Owen. 

Minnehaha — surnamed " Laughing Water," and 

eminently calculated, (when she has a good 

chance) to infect her audience, to the danger of 

sundry bands and strings Mrs. John Wood. 

(The celebrated Comedienne, from Boston, her 

first appearance here.) 
Poohpouhmammi — an indescribably self-willed young 

lady ; in fact, a sort of " Genesee Squaw"' Miss Mary Gannon. 

No-go-miss — Hiawatha's Grandmamma Mr. G. Holland. 

Hianakite — Poohpoohmammi's mother " Peters. 

. Indians. 

Messrs. Harrison, Rea, Bee, Oliver, Cotton. De SUveria, Hill, James, 

Mason, &c. 

Squaws. 

Mesdames Carman, Thompson. Hall, Pyne, Peters, Bishop, De Voe, 

Browne, Carter, &c. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 



EXITS AND ENTRANCES. 

L. means First Entrance, Left. R. First Entrance, Right. S. E. I* 
Second Entrance, Left. S. E. R. Second Entrance, Right. U. E. L. 
Upper Entrance. Left. U. E. R. Upper Entrance, Right. C. Centre. 
L. C. Left of Centre. R. C. Right of Centre. T. E. L. Third Entrance, 
Left. T. E. R. Third Entrance, Right. C. D. Centre Door. D. R 
Door Right. D. L. Door Lejt. U. D. L. Upper Door, Left, IT. D. R. 
Upper Door, Right. 

*** The Reader is supposed to be on the Stage, facing the Audience. 



TO W . STUART. ESQ. 



My dear Mk. Stuart. 

Written in thirty-four hours, during eight days of almost constant 
suffering from rheumatism, " Hiawatha" is necessarily hut a poor 
offering, even at the shrine of such considerate friendship as yours ; 
but I. nevertheless, venture to inscribe it to you, because, by so doing, 
I obtain an opportunity of publicly recording my deep sense of your 
rare courtesy, liberality and good faith as a manager, but for which, and 
the goodwill evinced towards myself, even your excellent company 
could scarcely have been expected to achieve the triumphant production 
of a Two Act Musical Extravaganza, after only ten daijs from your 
receipt of the MS., and but two full rehearsals. 

But knowing well how much the artist-disposition, kindled by 
urbanity and delicate consideration, might surmount, I risked foi it, 
the hasty construction of a mere vehicle for the conveyance of the 
highest artistic talent, to the most appreciative of audiences ; and with 
the heartiest acknowledgment of my indebtedness to all concerned in, 
and upon, " Hiawatha," to you, my dear Mr. Stuart, (the " Gieat 
Spirit," to whose benign influence may also be ascribed its signal 
success,) I dedicate it, with t'ie sincere regard of, 

Your obliged friend, 

Chas. M. Walcot. 

124 Crosby street, N. Y., 
Dec. 29, 1856. 



HIAWATHA. 



ACT I. 

Sck,** f. — The Great Bed Pipe Stone Quarry on the mountains of tlie 
Piutiic : from the mountain descends a cascade, falling into a winding 
cowse, and forming a stream at the foot of the mountain or rock, which 
is set at back. Curtain rises to music, during which Gitche Manito, 
the Great Spirit, gradually advances through mediums and stands on 
rock, then finding a pipe near him he sits down, takes tobacco from pouch, 
fills his pipe, takes out a match-box. lights a match, and with it fits pipe, 
which he then proceeds to smoke, wh°.n the music changes to sym- 
phony of " Chough and Crow," during which, and while he smokes, 
diminutive figures of tribes of Indians are seen approaching from all 
quarters in the far distance, and at the end of the opening solo by Gxtchi 
Manito, all the Indians enter from all sides, singing chorus as they 
approach. 

SOLO— MANITO. 

The Fox and Crow for moose are gone, 

The Choctaws on a spree, 
The Pawnees to obtain a loan 

From Mo-hawk's charity. 
My mild cloud dances on the fen, 

The Red Man's on his way. 
No rows, my men, come hither and atten- 

Tion lend to what I say. 

Chorus — Entering. 

No rows, my men, let's hurry and atten- 
Tion lend to what he'd say. 

Soio. 

My child and nurse were fast asleep, 

My wigwam closed an hour, 
And scarce from winking I could keep, 

When 1 started on this tour; 
Big Will Derhinds and short Hen Kens 

Shot turkeys on the way, 
And they vows like men, they'll readily alten- 

Tion lend to what you'd say 



HIAWATHA. 

Chorus. 
We vows like men, &c. 

Solo. 
Mohawks, I see, Mandans, C\ '.ctaws, 

Blackfcet and Shoshomes, 
Good De (a) l-o'-wares. some chickasaws, 

And likewise Cherokeys. 
You smoked your pipe, we smoked you tnen, 

And hastened on our way, 
With vows, like men, to readily atten- 

Tion lend to what you'd say. 

Chorus 
With vows, like men, &c. 

Git. See here, people, my good people, 
Aborigines, red people, 
Listen to a hint I'll give you, 
To a hint that's worth your heeding, 
From the wisdom of an old 'un 
The nut of a smart Indian : 
You have land to grow tobacco, 
Rice to jerk your little pudding, 
Cotton of the South the staple, 
Wrought into a useful fabric, 
Sugar, adjunct of the pudding, 
Of the many phase of pudding. 
You have wooden hams and nutmegs, 
Of the home of the great daylight, 
Gheezis, the great beaming sunlight. 
Northern hand-craft, western grain crops, 
Corner lots, the safe investment, 
For the grocery, the investment, 
Why in thunder not content then 1 
I am weary of your squabbles, 
Of your Tammany outpourings, 
Your infuriated Sachems, 
The heads of the old wigwam. 
Of the whig, too, the old fogie 
In his home lodge, his headquarters ; 
" All your danger is in discord, 
" All your strength is in your union !" 

Wab. Well, see here, folks, I kinder IiKe that idea, 
Guess, on that question, this crowd won't divide here. 
No one won't kick up no internal broils. 
Providing always that we shares the spoils. 

Kab. That suits my book, I'm a peace man, by thunder! 
Only let's have a fair shake at the plunder, 
Now them's my sentiments, what's Shawondasecs \ 
S»awonoasee rises suddenly. 



HIAWATHA. 

Sha. I thought I'd have to fire up here like blazes, 
But see the thing in your light very clearly, 
Honor ! my country ! — 

Kab. [Aside to Sha.] Snacks 1 

Sha. Ah ! you've touched inc nearly. 

Oil. What says M> Mudjekeewis 1 
Of the far west he me father! 

Wab. Well, he's agreeable. 

Kab. You're good enough to say so. 
If thus he slips his chances, why he may do. 

Wab. Don't he afraid, he's busy just at present, 
And couldn't come, but since you seem so pleasant, 
Just understand that he won't take no man's sarse, 
If you skin him, he'll take it out of Kansas. 

Kab. I'm satisfied. 

Wab. I guess you'd best be rather. 

[Hiawatha whoops outside — all jump up and look out, L. V 
But see who comes ! 

Omnes. Hi ! hi ! hi ! hi ! — awatha ! [ Whooping 

Enter Hiawatha, l. u 

Git. Wherefore thus behind hand, sonny ? 

Hia. I saw your smoke, but says I there's no knowing 
Whose purl" it is in this grand age of blowing ; 
Suppose, says I, instead of the Great Spirit, 
It's Charles's gin, of which they puff the merit, 
It might be Barnum — blowing for aught I know, 
But hard luck put his pipe out long ago. 

1 heard no bell, so 'spose you didn't ring it, 
The reason why I'm late is — stop, I'll sing it. 

SONG.— Hiawatha. 
I. 
I popped my head out of the door 

To see where the smoke was arising, 
And waited five minutes or more. 

But thought it was nothing surprising ; 
Till it formed a small cloud in the South 

That grew black as it roll'd ?long Nor'ard, 
Mum. '■ays I. I won't open my mouth. 

Til. 1 I know what's the game ijoing for'ard. 
That wasn't so green for a poor Aborigine, 
Whoo ! whoo! whoo ! 
You can't fool this here b'hoy ! 

II. 
Well, I travell'd along on my way. 

With nobody holding communion, 
Till I heard some 4i Roughs" shouting •' Let's play 

A hand at the game of disunion." 



HIAWATHA. 7 

No, no, says I, boys, it's played out, 

You may puff and blow all you desire; 
But try, and you'll soon solve the doubt, 

That you're making a smoke without fire. 
That wasn't so green for a poor Aborigine, 
Whoo ! whoo ! whoo ! 
You can't fool this here bh'oy ! 

Git. You are right, my son. 

Hut. Well, yes, I rather guess so 
I runs with Thirty-eight, — I do — what ! 

Git. 'Jes' so ! 

Hia. So much for Mose. I think he's had his day 
As hero of Burlesque, of Farce and Play, 
(Made so In/ me, I ho' others <jol the pay.) 
To his own grandest, noblest of spheres 
I yield him, and bespeak for him three cheers. [All cheer 

Wab. I guess we'd best not get on quite so fast, 
The bill we fust beyun on hain't been passed ; 
I don't want to be led no idle dance, 
I'm from down East 

Hia. So look to the Main chance. 
I overheard your motion to divide — 
Not on the question, you were all allied 
With wondrous unanimity on that. 
Well. I see plain enough what 'tis you're at, 
And I consent, altho' my heart it grieves, 

Onlv remember — "' Honor among " 

Wab. 1 

Kab V Hem ! — Oh, of course, of course ! 

Sha. ) 

Hia. That question settled and the country safe, 
We must remember not to disturb or chafe 
Those who for eccentricities have patent. 
And upon quiet little jobs have fattened. 
Therefore, that all may be couleur de roue, 
I beg to emphatically to propose 
Imprimis — that it shan't be cause of quarrei, 
That 'gainst our doors, box, basket or ash-barrel 
Become a standing joke for foreign people, 
Tho' piled as steep as Trinity Church steeple, 
That boys both short and tall have leave to lam 
.lust who they please, and no one care ahem ; 
That authors be encouraged to abuse 
The audiences who pay them to amuse. 
And local plays still blackguard and belie 
Opulence, taste and liberality. 

Kab. What authors are so destitute of souls 1 

Hia. Your mongrel Scnccas and Semi- Knowlen. 
Don't interrupt me ! — That the foul disgrace 



8 HIAWATHA. 

Of having earned a fortune, may efface 
All claim to be considered of the Ton 

Kab. Well, here old chap, I say, you're getting on — — 

Hia. Hush up ! — No author shall be bound to know 
Society, but paint all classes low ; 
The rich all dough-heads without hope of leaven, 
And not a single virtue under Heaven ! 

Wab. Well, yes— that's bout as fair as you can say. 
Best let them things go on in the old way ; 
'Tain't no use gettin' up no revolutions, 
Nothing like sticking to our institutions. 

Oinnes. Ay, ay, ay, ay ! 

Hia. Exactly! — same all through, 
That's the old story, — scratch me, I'll scratch you. 
Well, that's all settled, and you understand 
Discord's for ever banished from the land ; 
So wash the war paint from your precious faces, 
/jLOjt the best course for your several races, 
r lo break up all your clubs, bury the chopper, 
In fact, do everything that's right and proper — 
Then all start off, bound trouble to defy, 
Resolved emphatically to '* Root Hog or Die." [All whoop. 

SOLO. — Hiawatha and Chorus. 

Air. — " Root Hog or Die." 

Now boys from the South, from the North, East and West, 
Just hush up all your jaws, for I guess you'll find it best 
To bury all your difference, and I can tell you why, — 
Just to go in for the Union — root hog, or die ! 
Chief, Mayor, or President — 'taint a bit of matter — 
Stand side by side, boys — millionaire or squatter. 
Do jog along. 

Chorus. — Chief, Mayor, &c 

II. 

We're just the greatest nation that ever you did see ; 
We can whip the whole creation, if they won't let us be . 
Messieurs Johnny Bull and Crapeau, both are spry — 
But united, we can teach 'em how we root, hog, or die. 
Chief, Mayor, &c. 

III. 
Whenever you're disposed with each other's acts to grumble, 
Just call to mind the fable of the sticks in a bundle ; 
And remember that, divided, you can break them every one, 
But while they hold together, boys, it ain't to be done. 
Chief, Mayor, &c. 
All whoop and dance up. — (Closed in.) 



HIAWATHA. 



9 



Scene II. — Interior of Dammidortur's Wigwam or Lodge. At change, 
Symphony of Cuckoo Song, to ichich enter Minnehaha, who exclaim* 
" HeighOf' whenever the music imitates the Cuckoo. 

SONG. — Minnehaha. 
I. 

It can't be denied, because 'tis true. 

Although 'tis anything but right 
That nobody comes this way to woo ; 

Therefore for a husband I hav'nt a sight — 
Fellows enough, and good-looking, I see, 

But all married men, and not for me. 
Heigh-ho ! Heigh-ho ! Heigho ! Oh dear oh dear . 
What fools men arc — 
Will nobody marry poor Minnehaha ! 

II. 

They call me '• Laughing Water," tho' why 
I'm sure I don't know any more than I care ; 

But this I do know, I'm just ready to cry, 
And if 'twere'nt improper I'd certainly swear. 

Now ain't it a shame, these fellows should be 
All married men and not for me. 

Heigh-ho ! Heigh-ho ! Heigh-ho I Oh dear, oh dear ! 

What fools men are — 

Will nobody marry poor Minnehaha 1 

Min. Oh dear, oh dear, what shall I do I 
I've read the last sensation novel through, 
And not one new hint does the book contain 
How to improve one's chances of a swain. 
I've called in fashion's aid to win a beau, 
My calls are fruitless and my ichoops no go. 
What's to be done ? Some stir I must create — 
I'll write a book — or, better, imitate 
The cheap and nasty method now to shine — 
Claim some one else's " Halifax" as mine. 
Perhaps some captain bold of country quarters 
Might induce me to misapply my gar — boot-lace, 
And end this most unsatisfactory strife 
'Twixt can't-help maidenhood and would-be wife. 
What can Poohpoohmammi have been abcJt, 
All the lonir, weary time that I've been out? 
She, too, poor girl, 's as badly oft' as I, 
But she's that sort that never will say die 
She'd make believe she doesn't want to marry ; 
Can such a girl exist I Oh, nary ! nary ! 
Poohpooh/dearl [Calling. 



10 HIAWATHA. 

Pooh. [r. 3 e. — In wigwam^ Minne, darling, is that you] 
[Entering:] Why, bessum "ittie heart, come kissum, do ; 
[Kisses her.] And tell me what it looks so glum about — 
Urn's 'ittie Minnehaha mustn't pout. 

Min. Poohpooh, my dear, fact is I'm bored to death. 

Pooh. Hush ! never own it you take away my breath. 
Be calm, indifferent to the latest minute. 

Min. I've tried it often, dear, •' there's nothing in it.'' 

Pooh. Nothing in modesty 1 What d'ye talk about 1 

Min. Nothing, believe me, that game's all played out. 
Plot, danger, mystery's all the order now — 
Imminent perl ! Grand prospective row ! 
Governor furious, Mamma in tears, 
Novels and sewing machines for some two years ; 
Then child repentsrnt, aged paient floored ; 
Denoument — family harmony restored. 

Pooh. Well, if you really like that style of thing — 
The regular Young New York, slap-dash, full swing — 
Perhaps you won't quite faint to learn that I 
Have had a fond perspiring youth laid by 
For some time past, all duly primed and loaded, 
And ready to go off, but that's exploded, 
-Unless them's some excitement about going, 
Pistols and parleys, blustering and blowing. 
But know, also, to your delight, my dear, 
W T hile you were out another has been here, 
Pretending to want arrows of your Papa, 
But really for a peep at Minnehaha. 

Min [Speaking quite fast.] Forme? Oh! [Kisses her 

Describe him if you can ! Dear, describe him, if you •an ! ! 
Is he a tall, stout, short, thin, thick-set man 1 
Long teeth, white eye lashes ? — No, no, I mean 
White teeth, long eye lashes — and is he green '! — 
I should say young. Has he a tender head ? — 
Heart, heart, I mean. My dear, why has he fled 1 

Pooh. Says he — is Mr. Dammidortur in 1 
No sir, says I — at which he gave a grin ; — 
From which, thinks I, it's plainly to be seen 
It's Minnehaha ! Mister, that you mean. 
And so I tried him. No one's here, says I, 
But me and the Tom Cat. Oh, yes ! — good bye, 
Says he — I'll call again some other day — 
Picked himself up, and marched himself away. 
But 'twixt ourselves my dear, I've strong suspicion 
He's somewhere in the neighborhood a fish'n'. 

Min. Then Poohpooh, dear, why did'nt )'ou invite 
The gentleman to stay and have a bite 
Before he started. Tell me, did he look 
A taking sort of man ' 

Pooh. Yes. [Aside.] With a hook 



HIAWATHA. 11 

Min. Love-making's not in my line, but I feel 
My heart runs after him. 

Pooh. Right oft* the reel ! 

Mm. Papa's away, and won't be home till night ; 
I think it therefore anything bin right 
This stranger should be left to go neglected. 
He may be some one that papa expected. 
In short, I think the best thing we can do, 
Is to — in fact — run after him, don't you \ 

Pooh. My sentiments, my darling, to a T 
Go in and win ! — let's have a reg'lar spree. 

Min. Prudence, my dear ! [Mocking her 

Pooh. Oh, who at that can match me ? 
Prudence, of course. 

Min. But don't forget the latch-key. 

Hornpipe Duet. 

Pooh. Come along with me. ]Runs and takes key out oj door. 

Min. Are you sure you've got the key 1 

Pooh. Ope your eyes and see. [Shows key.. 

Mm. What a bit of fun 'twill be. 
Pooh. Well, we'll go it, if we know it. 
Min We're the fellows that can do it 

Pooh. Weli, you've got to. if you travel with Poohpoohmammi. 
Min. Tol de riddle, lol di riddle lol, de ri do do 
Pooh. What the dickens do you mean by tol de ri do da 1 
Min. When one's got no more to say, tol de riddle lol de ray, 
Oocs about as well, as anything. 
Pooh. Well, perhaps it may. 

[Repeat tol de rol, dance hornpipe a?id exeunt, D. F. 

Scene III. — Romantic. Landscape, with set waters — deep stage. 
Enter Indians, whooping arid jumping, 2 and 3 e. l. 

Kab. Now, boys, I want to bear what you've to say 
About a fishing party for to-day 
We've bait, galore, and lines a thousand hanks. 
There's plenty to be hooked about the banks ; 
Who joins 1 

nines. All! all! 

Kab.WeW said, boys, every one. 

Wab. Yes, if there's any hooking to be done. 

Kab. Come, then, let's paddle, there's no time to lose ; 
So let's be off, at once, to the canoes 
But where's our Nnkkleundah 1 without him 
Our chance of jollity is rather slim. 

Wab. Oh ! here "he comes, I thought he'd be along ; 
He'll keep us livelv with his jest and song. 

. [Sijmhony of Hon Piu Andi it. to which enter Nukkleundah, L. 3., 
down c. 



iSl HIAWATHA. 

NuKKELEUNDAH SltlgS. 

Now, my lads, since we're bent on a bender, 
Mind your eye, and let nothing be slow. 

Hang the chap who would be a suspender 
Of fun, when a spree is the go. 

See that the baskets are stocked with provisions ; 
And as fighting's prohibited, now, 

'Mongst the bottles, allow no collisions, 
For we can't spare the blood that would flow. 
Oh, be chary ; 
And, oh, Nary. 
Oh, no Nary ; 
A sweet drop to be wasted allow. 

Whiskey, brandy, rum and porter, 
Let continually flow ; 

But don't drink any more than you'd orter ; 
For 'tis loose to get tight, you must know. 

Wab. What's come of Hiawatha ? 

Nuk. Oh ! to-day 
He's on an altogether different lay. 
You know the arrow-maker, Dammidortur. 
Well, Minnehaha, nicknamed Laughing Water ; 
His child is devilish handsome, and still single ; 
And I'll just bet a cow against a shingle, 
My bold Hiawatha's spooney on her. 

Wab. Well! 
Does that prove he can't go with us 1 Do tell. 

Nuk. No, not exactly, for truth to say, 
I'm slightly nipped myself in the same way ; 
And must do the genteel before I go. 
But there's no back-out in this child, you know, 
So that I'll find, and no doubt, bring him too. 

Wab. If Laughing Water don't prove too deep for you. 

Kab. Hooray, then ! Now, boys, one raise, good and hearty. 

For North, South, East, West — all one jolly party. [All whoop. 

Chorus. 
Hip! hip! hip! Hurrah! hurrah! hurrah! 

For North and South, together. 
Hip ! hip ! hip ! Hurrah ! hurrah ! hurrah ! 

East and West, all in one tether. 
Brothers, all heart, end hand, 
Who shall our Union's band. 

Dare in this thrice-happy land to sever 1 
Never shall faction rend 
Kith and kin — friend and friend : 
All shall the Union defend forever ! 

Hip ! hip ! hip ! Hurrah ! 

[Exeunt omnes, r. 2 and, 3 b 



HIAWATHA. 13 

When all have disappeared, r., enter Hiawatha, in a canoe, l. 
Hia. Extremely patriotic and quite proper ; 
Disunion's a card I beg to copper. 
Nevertheless, I'm very glad they've gone, 
For I can catch my little sturgeon now, alone : 
And in the meantime wait till Dammidortur 
Gets home, which, by this time, I think he'd ought'er. 
On, Minnehaha ! fervent is my wish 
That you've no preference for venison over fish ; 
Because, instead of shooting you — a deer 
(As in the original song it doth appear), 
I mean to try to catch for you, my charmer, 
The King of Sturgeons, yclept Mishe Nahma. 
So. come up, now, old fellow, and let's at you. 
[Fishing.'] Let's see which is the strongest — come, od rat you ! 
Ah, there's a bite [Pulls up ] by jingo ! but I'll strike. 
[Pulls ap.] Psha ! it's the Maskinoza, the blamed pike. 
[Throws it in.] What! you won't nibble, eh, old fellow — say. 
Don't keep me fishing for you here all day. 
That was another ! [Pulls up.] Way with you, you trash. 
You're no account, you're only Ugudwash 

The sun-fish, leave ! [Throws it in.] Come, stir yourself, old Nahma, 
Fou're for a chowder for my Minnehaha. 
Scissors ! but that feels like him! pull ahoy ! 
No — no you don't — [Canoe rocks] try it again, old boy, 

[Great, fight and rocking of Canoe. 
By thunder ! now I've got him ! ah he's collared ! 

[Fish rises and swallows him and Canoe 
No, — no it's me ! it's me ! I'm gone ! I'm swallowed ! 

[Disappears in jaws of sturgeon, e. 
Enter Poohpooh and. Minni, l. 2 e. 
Min. Well, here we are, I wish that I could say 
As much for him we're after. 

Pooh. 'Tis the way 
With all the men. 

Min. What, not to be on hand 1 

Pooh. Unless you snub 'em well, and then they '11 stand 
Just where you please to put 'em and not move, 
Unless you rashly let on you're in love. 
Then they begin to hedge, fight shy and jockey 
And then your chance to win is mighty rocky, 
I know — I've had a brush myself, mile heats 
But they don't catch this filly at repeats. 

Min. Well, there's no fun in going home just yet. 
Pooh. Devil a bit — let's have a little bet. 
Come, my scarf against yours, I do a mile 
Quicker than you. 

Min, I take that, there's my pile. , [Puts scarf o. 

Pooh. It's covered. [Puts down scarf] I'm 2-40, nothing shorter. 
Min. Oh, trot out, you may beat on the first quarter, 



14 HIAWATHA. 

But you can't foot no gait that 1 can't fetch, 
Tell you I'm awful fast on the home stretch. 

Poo\ Well, ready — [Minnehaha starts a. 

Hold hard, wait for the word go. 

Miii. [Comes back.] Ah, all right, now then — let's be reg'lar. 

pooh. Go — [Speaks quickly and starts R. 

Min. Here, that won't wash — come, let's have a fair start. 

[Pooh comes back. 
Once round, then off at "go." 

Pooh. With ail my heart, 
Let's get off now, I hate this coming back. 

Min. Suits me, I've got the inside of the track. 
Now steady, off she goes — I told you so 
That's pretty, neck and neck — now for it — Go ! 

[During this speech they have started slowly from l up stage to R. 
crops' footlights to l. and then bolt off R. 

Slow music in orchestra from L'loile du Nord. The Sturgeon appear$ 
floundering in the water which turns red. 

Sturgeon. [Sing's.] 

Oh, here's a go ! this fellows broke my heart 
Ugh oh ! ugh oh ! Oh don't it smart ! 
I '1.00k him down, because 'twas time to sup 
And now I swow ! I'm throwing him up ! 

Hia. 

Let me out, you son of a — trout, 
I'm nearly smothered entirely here, 
Such horrid sights, your dreadful lights 
Reveal— my pluck is, converted to fear, 
Oh, if you can reach, 
Throw me on the beach ! 

Sturgeon. 
Oh, here's a go! &c. 
[The Sturgeon throws Hiawatha out of his mouth on the stage, 
Hia. Perdition catch thy arm ! — thy jaws I should say 
If I were playing Richard — 4% Arm," I would say, 
The chance is thine, but oh the vast renown, 
Thou'st gained by gobbling Hiawatha down. 
Afflicts him more than Whiskey can assuage, 
Now let mz Till no more about the stage 
To spin cut this already lingering act, 
But stick to brevity if not to fact, 
Hurry the cakes that this crude scene may end 

/fnd to delighted shouts the drop descend. [Rolls over as if dead. 

[Distant shouts as at a race course. Minnehaha and Poohpooh- 

mammi seen in little figures naming with varying success on the 

opposite bank at back lor" ards l. h., shcuis grow louder as they 

disappear, i,. 



HIAWATHA. 



15 



Enter Minnehaha first, closely followed by Poohpoohmammx, l. 1 c. 

Min. Ha ! ha! my dear, I told you I should win. 

Pooh. Only because 1 broke up coming in, 
One fellow shouted so on the home stretch, 
I lost the race by looking at the wretch, 
He had such eyes — they made me grow unsteady, 
Else I'd have beat you easily, my ladv. 

Min. Mem ; never risk a break U', with a lover, 
You lose ground that you can't aiways recover. 
The scarfs are mine, and so I'll take my prize. 

[Goes to pick up scarfs in which Hiawatha has partially rolled 
himself, sees him and screams] 
What's this that thus secreted in them lies 
Like Kirby when he used a piece to tag, 
And died rolled up in the American flag. 
Why 'tis a man, and dead or fast asleep; 
What's to be done 1 

Pooh. Don't be alarmed, he'll keep. 
Let's look ! why, yes, it is the very man. 

Min. What, my man '! 

Pooh. Yours 

Min. Dispute it if you can, 
I found, and claim him by right of discovery, 
That is, if there's a chance of his recovery. 

Pooh. No fear but all your rights you'll soon find out, 
Locate your claim, and settle him no doubt 

Min. See ! see he moves ! [approaching]. I wonder if he'll bite] 

Pooh. Yes, at a beefsteak, judging by his plight ; 
Let's raise him up, I think he wants to speak. 

Min. I hav'nt got the face. 

Pooh. Well, I've the cheek. [Kneels by Hiawatha]. 
So just let me hear what he has to say — 
If you don't want, why look another way. 

Mm. No, never mind. I guess I'll risk it, dear. [Kneels on other side. 

Pooh. He'snvhispering something. 

Min. What! 

Pooh. I can't quite hear. 

Min. Poor fellow ! let me try — he's faint no doubt — 
I'd like to understand. 

[Puts her face close to Hiawatha, as if to listen, he kisses her. 

Pooh. Can you make owt? 

Min. Well, yes, he says he's better, but quite weak, 
Sol don't mind remaining, while you seek 
Refreshment for him, anything, bread and meat. 

Pooh. I'm not quite sure it's meet that he should eat, 
But I'll bring something — don't get in a flurry, 
I won't be long gone. 

Min. Oh, you need'nt hurry, . • 
I don't think I'm much frightened, darling, now. 



10 HIAWATHA. 

Pooh. [Knowingly.'] Oh ! Great Institution ! handsome men, I vow ! 

Eiit Poohpooh, L. 

Mm. Do you feel better, sir 1 

Hia. I can't speak loud, 
I'll try and whisper though, if J'm allowed. 

Miit. Oh, certainly. {Leans to listen — he kisses her 

Hia. Much better, thank you, though 
Not well, but mending nicely, but so-so. [Kisses her twice. 

Mm. Have you been ship-wrecked 1 Shall I call a surgeon I 

Hia. No, I've been fish-wrecked, given up by a sturgeon. 

[Rising and advancing 
Tell me, my sweet preserver, who you are, 
Who've saved me from this pickle and the jar 
That shook me senseless when I was thrown ashore — 
Hav'nt I seen or heard of you before 1 

Min. Not that I know of. 

Hia. Let me know your name. 

Min. 'Tis Minnehaha. 

Hia. Oh, the same, the same 
Child of the arrow-maker Dammidortur, 
Handsomest of women — *' Laughing Water !" 

ARIA— Hiawatha («* Tu Vedrai.") 

Do but try and venture arter 

Me, and I'll just bet a quarter 

You'll find I'm just the sorter 

Kinder chap that you've been looking for so long ; 

I've a wigwam just the dandy, 

Stocked with all things nice and handy, 

From salt pork to Wild's best candy ; 

And all's yours, love, if you'll only come along. 

Min. They call me " Laughing Water," but I guess 
You won't find many girls that laugh much less. 

Hia. And why so, sweet — can I your vapors scatter 1 

Min Why, I'm sixteen, and that's no laughing matter. 
Then father's such a grumpy slow old poke, 
Living with him, I tell you, now's no joke. 
There's never any fun in our house — 
I really sometimes wish I were a mouse, 
That other little mice might come and play with me, 
Or else some great big pussey run away with me. 

Hia. My darling, look at me ! Behold your cat I 
Who, if he's not mistaken, smells a rat — 
My real name's Hiawatha, but my Nom 
De circonstance, is Thomas, vulgus Tom. 
I'm full of fun as any fiddler's dog, 
Or chip munk playing bo-peep in a log ; 
Then, dwell, come dwell with, me, 
And our home shall be, our home shall be, 



HIAWATHA. 17 

In a pleasant cot, in a tranquil spot, 
With a distant view of the changing sea. 

Min. My gracious ! — Oh, you mus'nt think I meant — 

Hia. No. no, I don't — but say that you consent, 
Sweet Minnehaha, lovely, laughing water. 

Min. All square 1 

Hia. As a die ! 

Min. Then take me, Hiawatha ! [.4 la Julia, 

Enter Poohpooh. with basket of provisicms. 

Pooh. "Well, 'pon my word, good people, you get on. 
I hope you've not been dull while I've been gone 1 

Min. Why, no ; you've been so quick you must have run. 
But what do you think 1 Oh, such a bit of fun ! 
I'm going to be Mrs. Hiawatha ! 

Pooh. Well, that's what I call rushing matters, rather. 

Hia. Strike while the iron's hot — there's nothing like it. 

Min. Wouldn't you like a chance, my dear, to striKe it 1 

Pooh. I'm mortal, and confess my sex's weakness — 
Ready to suffer with becoming weakness. 

Enter Nukkelundah, r. 1 e. 

Nuk. Me, too ; come, fellow-sufferer, [Crosses to Pooh.] your hand 
Don't be alarmed, good folks, we understand. 

Hia. What, Nukkel 1 

Min. Poohpooh, dear, is this your one 1 

Pooh. Well, yes ; I call him so — only for fun. 

Hia. By Jove, old fellow, this is glorious ! 

Nuk. Let's fire a salute, since we're victorious. 

Hia. With all my heart — bang ! [Kisses Min, 

Nuk. Bang 1 [Kisses Poohpooh. 

. Min. Oh! 

Pooh. Stop ! 

Hia. Bang! [Kisses Mix 

Nuk. Bang ! [Kisses Poohpooh. 

Min. Some one will hear you ! 

Hia. Let some one go hang ! 

Pooh. [To Nukkelundah.] Now be so good as to restrain your ardor, 
Or keep it for the products of the larder. 

Hia. Most wise suggestion. Is it agreed ? 

Min. Pooh, and Nuk. Agreed ! 

Hia. Let's lay the cloth, then, and sit down and feed. 

Nuk. [Produces things from basket.] Where did you get these ! 
Isn't this a funny go? 

Hia. [Assisting girls also.] Of the old aboriginal Delmonico. 

[They spread cloth, eatables and drinkable*. 
It doesn't matter whether it is correct — ' 
That's all played out — the main tiling is effect. 
Nobody cares about truth now-a-days, 
Or who the deuce could stand our local plays 1 



18 HIAWATHA. 

In which all authors seem to have to do 
Is to pitch into the Fifth Avenue. 

Nuk. That's a fixed fact ! Who'll have a glass of sherry 1 

Hia. All hands — allow me. 
[Helps Minnehaha — Nukkeeundah helps Poohpooh — Th y alldrink 

Nuk. Deuced good wine that. 

Hia. Very. 

[Takes glasses and puts them down — Nukkleundah takes Pooitpooh 
mami's glass and does the same.] 
And now, to do the true dramatic thing. 
I 'spose you are aware we ought to sing ! 

Nuk. Not me, I thank you. [Goes up. 

Min. Lor' is that the ton 1 

Hia Yes, at the least convenient time, a song 
Duet, or trio, always is dragged in. 
That's the true opera-style — so, come, begin. 

TRIO. 

Ihawatha, Minnehaha and Poohpoohmam, 
'Tis a very funny thing here to wait and sing, 

When the dinner's getting cold ; 
But they do it every day 

In Opera and Play, 
And 'tis very fine, we're told — 

Oh, 'tis funny, very funny — 
Oh, 'tis funny — funny, funny. 

But, on second thoughts, that we 
Be such fools I can't agree, 

As to wait, as to wait. 
We can fancy very well, 

Echo sounds the dinner bell : 
Echo. echo, sounds the dinner bell, 

For 'tis late — for 'tis late — 
'Tis a very funny thing, &c. 

[After Trio all go up, and sit to dinner. 
Nvk. I hope you've had a good time — take some pie. 
Min. Oh, I think it's good fun. 
Pooh. Yes. so don't I. 

Hia. Minne , my darling duck, a glass of wine? 

Min. With pleasure, dear. 

Pooh. [Aside to Min .]■ I say, love, draw it fine. 
Min. Oh, it's such fun ! 
Pooh. Mind, not another glass, 
'Twill get into your head 

Mm. My dear, it has. [Drinks with Hiawatha. 

Nuk. Another glass of sherry, dear, for you. 

Pooh Not if this court know herself, 3nd she think she do. 

MTJR and HlANAKITE, L, 1 E., ' "* 

scream, and cling to Hiawatha 



HIAWATHA. 19 

Hi an. My daughter and yours, too. as I'm a sinner, 
And with two fellows, sitting down to dinner. 

Dam. [To Hiawatha.] I've read of something like this in Don Juan 
He ought t'have had a licking — I'll give you onu 

Pooh. Oh, hold me, Nukkle. 

Min. Save me, Hiawatha ! 

Hia. Look here a minute, Mr. Dammidortur 

Nuk. And you look here too, Mrs- Hianakite 

Min. Oh, I shall faint ! 

Pooh. And I'm most dead with fright ! 

Hia. I love this gal. 

Nuk. And I love this one, I do. 

Hia. And you can't get 'em. 

Nuk. So you needn't try to. 

Dam. I can't ! — well here come those who can and will. 

Enter Indians, at all sides — yelling. 

Hia. Call in your tribes from every vale and hill ; 
Boys, these old ducks our wives from us would sever. 
Shall they dissolve our Union 1 

All. Never! never! [Yells. 

[The Indians seize Dammtdortur, l. and Hianakite. r., and hold ihem 
from Hiawatha ; Minnehaha, NuKkLEUNDAH and PooHPooHMAirMi, 
who embrace. — Hianakite faints in Indian's arms. 

FINALE— from " Gazza Ladra," and LAUGHING TRIO— 
" Vadasi via de Qua." 

Min. and Pooh. See what dreadful small potato, 
Tis to fight poor human natur', 
Girls will marry soon, or later, 
If it's only just for fun ! 

Hia. Useless all the muss you're making, 

And the trouble you've been taking, 
Don't you see that Union breaking, 
Arn't the cheese, and can't be done. 

Hia. and Omnes. Very severe, Papa, (Mamma,) 
Upon my word you are, 
You've gone a step too far. 
Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! 
Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! 
You've gone a step too far. 

END OF ACT L 



20 HIAWATHA. 

ACT IT. 

Scene I. — A Wood. 

Enter JVo-go-miss and Hianakite, l. 

No. Yes, this is what I call a pretty go — 
Blinking his gals home here. I'll let her know 

Hian. And my young hussey, too. has brought a fellow. 
Oh. I'll fix him off nicely, I can tell her. 

No. What can that scamp of mine want with a wife? 
Ain't I the salt o' the young cusses' life ? 
Don't I stick to him like fifty poor man's plasters ? 
Salt ! ugh ! why, lord, I'm a full set o' castors. 
If it was female beauty he was arter, 
He never could have chose this Laughing Water ; 
Or else I don't know where the fool's eyes could be, 
Beauty ! she beautiful ! ugh — look at me ! 

Hian. Ah well. I'll spoil my precious hussey's fun, 
I'll get some girl, if I can hiton one, 
Graceful and handsome, to pretend to be 
In love with Nukkleundah 

No. Why not me 1 
I'll do it for you to a charm, my dear. 

Hian. No, 'twould be troubling you too much, I fear. 
I think I know a gal can win him, though, 
Gammon and wheedle him, and 

No. Ugh ! I know ! 
I could, if I was only set the task, 
Walk round him like a cooper round a cask. 
Hows'ever, my gay miss'll keep me busy, 
I'll see if I can get young Yenadizzi 
To fool about her ; he's one of them fellows 
That's just cut out to make a lover jealous. 
You'd best get him to make love to yours too, 
He'll make more mischief than a girl can do, 
Flirting with Nukkelu.ndah. 

Hian. Good, my dear, 
'Twill set both chaps against the gals, that's clear. 

No. If we can only manage that, good-bye 
To any more of 'em for you and I. 
My boy will soon let Minnehaha slide, 
And your gal won't be Nukkelundah's bride ; 
So come along— the festival's begun — 
They'll come off second best, though, 'fore 'tis done. 
I've made 'em think I ain't a !)it dfspleased. 
And, just to show how quick I was appeased, 
I got all ready for the festival, 
As if I really doted on the gal. 
They won't suspect our trap until they're caught 



HIAWATHA, 



21 



And then ! Lord, how the thought on't makes me snort ! 
Come on, my dear — I'll wife him. 

Hian. Ah, we'll show 'em 1 

No. Consarn their ugly picters ! 

Hian. Blame 'em. 

No. Blow 'em ! [Excttnt Nogomis and Hianakite. 

Scene II. — An Indian Village. 

The Indians discovered lying \ siding and standing about the stage eating 
and drinking. 

CHOTLVS.—{Amilic.) 

Hiawatha ! Hiawatha ! and Minnehaha, 

And Nukkel and Nukkel and Poohpoohmamma, 

Jolly luck to you hoth, boys, the same to your gals, 

As long as you live, is the wish of your pals. 

May you ne'er want a friend, or a bottle to give, 

Nor be troubled with shorts as long as you live ; 

May you never do anything much more amiss, 

Than kiss whom you please, and please whom you kiss , 

May he that loves Poohpooh, and he that loves Minne, 

Ne'er want a good coat, a clean shirt, or a guinea. 

Wab. Here come the brides and bridegrooms — shout, boys, shout !•— 

All shout, " Whoo — whoo — whoo F' — Enter Hiawatha, leading Minne- 
haha and Nukkelunoah, with Poohpoohmammi, from wigwam, 
u. E. r., bowing as they advance.] 

Good — now, another rouser — spit it out ! 

[All shout as before very wildly 

Hia. Most worthy and enthusiastic friends, 
We don't get often on these festive bends, 
But as my lovely Minnehaha's beau. 
You've kinder got me on a string, you know. 
T trust the peck and things are all O. K. 

Nuk. That claret is La Rose, I beg to say. 

Hia. The Pate de fois gras arrived to-day. 

Pooh. The pork and beans were cooked in a new pan. 

Min. The oysters stewed on the Canal street plan 

Hia. In fact, without a show of vain pretence, 
This spread's got up regardless of expense. 
So now let's pitch in, boys, and have some fun — 
Come, say the word now, what's first to be done ? 

Wab. Guess how, 'twoj. Id kinder help the thing along 
If your gal there would sing the crowd a song. 

All. Ay, ay, ay, ay — a song from Minnehaha. 

Min. (Bashfully. 1 Oh, no, I couldn't, really, I'm 

Hia. Psha, psha ! 
Every one understands that sort of thing — 



22 HIAWATHA. 

We know you want to sing, my dear, so sing. 

Min. Oh, now, for shame — how can you, 1 declare 
I only know one song, and I don't dare 
To sing that all alone — 'taint fit to hear, 
Unless — oh, won't you sing it with me, dear? 

Ilia. With all my heart, if it's a song I know, 

Mm. Oh ! you must know it, for it's all the go 
In London, in the Susan Hopley set, 
There's been but these two copies sent her» yet, 
I altered some few of the words a bit, 
Called it my own, and copy-righted it. [Gives Hia., a Ballad 

Hia. Ha ! just the sort of song for two to sing, 
Tune — " As I vas a valkin' vun mornin' in spring. 

Min. The story's very touching; what you'd call 
Domestic, yet romantic — 

Hia. Like " Sam Hall," 

TWO PART SONG. 

[In imitation of the London Beggar Singers,] 

I. 

Min. Oh, my love he is a saileur, so galliant and bold, 
He's as straight as a flagstaff, 

Jim. And jest nineteen year old. 
For to cruise the wide world, he 

Min. Has left his own dear, 
And my heart it is 

Hia. A bustin be — 

Min. Cause he is not 

Both. Here. 

II. 

Hia. Oh, his parents they bound him all 

Mm. To a carpenter, 
But a sea-farin life he did 

Hia. Very much prefer, 
For his spent 

Min. Was tremenjous and 

Hia. Fierce to behold, 
n a young man bred a 

Min. Carpenter, and ony 

Both. Nineteen year old. 

III. 

Min. Oh, my buzzum ! it is tosted jest like — 

Hia. The rollin' sea, 
For fear his affecs/tms don't 

Min. Still p'int toe me, 
For a 

Hia. Sweetheart can be found in 

Mivt. Each port, I am toW, 



HIAWATHA. *0 

Hia. Eckspeshally for a young man ony 
Both. Nineteen year old. 

IV. 

Hia. And it's oh ! for my lovyer I grieve 

Ilia. And repine, 
For fear that fine formed man mayn't 

Min. Never be mine 
All the cashes of Injee 

Hia. Both silvier and goold. 

Min. I'd give for my saileur boy. 

Both. Ony nineteen year old. 

[After song, all crowd round Hia., an*? Mix., a little up, whooping, 
SfC. — No-go-miss and Hianakite advance from e. to c. 

Hian. Well, what says Yenadizzi, will he do it? 

No. Tickled to death, and swears that he'll stick to it. 
He's coming presently to join the dance, 
And means to pitch in then, if there's a chance. 
Keep up your pluck up, it's all right, old gal, 
You'll see he'll go in the whole animal. [They go up, s. 

[All suddenly cry — " Yenadizzi, Yenadizzi ! Whoo ! whoo ! whoo ! 
Enter Yenadizzi, r. u. — Hia. meets and salutes him. 

Ilia. My hyfalutm friend, how do you do! 
I'm charmed to see you — 

Yen. Oh ! really you are too — 
Yes, 'pon my honor, really, I declare — 

Your charming bride, too, [Kisses Min.'s hand] exquisite, J sweaTl 
Your friend, I think — yes, really very proud, 
Friend's wife, sweet creature ! may I be allowed — 

[Kiss's Pooh.'s hand. 
Delighted, positively — how d'ye do? ' To the men. 

Meschers petits. comment vous portez vous ? (To the girls 

Min. [To Hia.] What a particularly handsome chap ! 

Hia. Yes, he's good looking, but a horrid sap. 
He travels on his pretty, nothing here, [Touching his head. 

No [Aside ] That won't be long your case my boy, that's clear. 

Pooh. Oh ! isn't Ije a duck ! 

Nuk. Well, come, that's cool ! 
My dear, I don't like — 

Pooh. Darling, don't be a fool. 

Nuk. My love, you needn't quite devour the pup — 

Pooh. Don't be a noodle — 

Nuk. But — 

Pooh. My sweet, s'iut up ! [Nukket.undah flouyices up indignantly. 

No. [Aside to Yenadizzi] At 'em, mv lad, they're struck with you, 
I see, 

Ten. Yes, 'tis a hi>:, I think ; that's just like me. 

No. Ohl you're too elegant to bo resisted— 
[Aside. 1 Lucky for you, if your neck don't get twistcd> 



24 HIAWATHA. 

But I don't care, so as he makes these fellows 
Nukkelundah and Hiawatha jealous. 

Yen. [Who has sauntered up to Minnehaha, l. c] Not heard the 
Traviater — oh ! dear me, 
Why, what a savage your liege lord must be ! 

Min. Why, I've been told that's such a naughty piece. 

Yen. Oh, no, not more than just enough to increase 
It's popularity ; it isn't broader 
Than novels of the yellow-covered order ; 
And then 'tis done in Fourteenth-street, you know, 
Where only fashionable people go — 
And so, of course, 'tis proper. 

Min. (l. c.) To be sure. 
Nothing with fashion's stamp can be impure. 
Licentiousness may then claim admiration, 
Tho' shocking when in a cheap publication. 

Yen. Yes ; cheap and nasty — I catch the idea. 

Pooh. [Coming down l. of Min.] Minnc , what are you preach- 
ing about, dear ! 

Yen. [Aside c] Jealous, poor little dear! — jealous, 'tis plain, 
" Of my devotions at another's fane." 

Wab. Come, mister, won't you do a little suthin' 
To keep the pot a biling 1 Ain't there nothin' 
That you can sing or dance 1 — they say you're some 
Punkins at pigeon-wings : so step out — come. 

Omnes. Ay. ay, a dance — a dance — whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo ! 

Yen. Oh, really now you flatter me, you do. 
Upon my life, I'm but an amateur. 

Min. Oh, do oblige us. 

Pooh. Oh, you will, I'm sure. 

Nufc. Your manner, madam, actually appears 

Pooh. If you don't hold your tongue, I'll box your ears. 
" Wab. Oh, see here, don't let's have so much paw-paw. 

Yen. Well, then, suppose we dance a pas de trois 1 
These charming ladies, will they be so kind 1 

Pooh. With pleasure. 

Mm. [To Hiawatha ] Shall I, dear ! 

Hia If you're inclined, 
My love, by all means jerk your little pas. 

Yen. You're most obliging, 'pon my life you are. 

Nuk. [To Poohpoohmammi] Mind, I object. 

Pooh. Oh, stuff, my dear ! 

Nuk. I swear 
I'll lick that chap ! 

Pooh. Well, lick him, I don't care. 

Yen. Now, ladies, by your leave. Commencz, Messieurs. 

[Yenadizzi, Minnehaha and Poohpoohmammi take places. 

Leader. What's it to be 1 

Yen. Oh, sir, our choice is youre 



HIAWATHA. 25 

[Indians sit around — Nogo-miss and Hianakite in corner, r. to- 
gether, watching — Hiawatha and Nukkleundah, who sit at l. 
corner. 
Dance — Yenadizzi, Minnehaha and Poohpoohmammi. — During 
which Yenadizzi makes tender advances to Minnehaha and Pooh- 
poohmammi, at which Nogomiss and Hianakite rejoice— Nukkle- 
undah gets very uneasy, he by gestures threatening Yenadizzi, 
but restrained by Hiawatha, who smokes his pipe in great com- 
posure, and sips a tod which he gets from l. 1 e., when dance is 
about to commence. 
As soon as dance commences, Nogomiss watches till Yenadizzi be- 
gins to flirt roith Minnehaha, then Nogomiss goes round stealthi- 
ly at back and gets beside Hiawatha, who does not notice Yena- 
dizzi kissing Poohpoohmammi, but as he is about to kiss Minne- 
haha, Nogomiss nudges Hiawatha, who thereupon turns and 
sees what transpires. — Hiawatha gets up in a rage amidst the 
yells of applause of the Indians at the dance. 

Hia. [Throwing Yenadizzi into r. c] I'm hanged if I stand that; 
see here, you sir, 
What in thunder do you mean hy kissing her] 

Yen. My good sir, I 

No. [Sarcastically. ] It's only courtesy. 

Min. Of course not, and I ain't the least bit hurt, you see. 

No. You can't take umbrage at mere courtesy. 

Pooh. [To Nukkleundah.] I'd like you to object to his kissing me. 

Yen. [To Hiawatha.] Oh, quite preposterous ! Sir, your conduct's low 

Hia. It is, eh ! Well, I can take you anyhow. 

Min. Don't be absurd. 

Yen. [Alarmed.] My good friend, now keep cool. 

Min. You're making yourself an egregious fool. 

Pooh. What small potatoes ! 

No. Go in — give him beans ! 

Hia. No: but I'll lick him, only just for greens. 

[Pitches into Yenadizzi — General row— Nukkleundah makes to- 
wards Yenadizzi, but is stopped by Poohpoohmammi, who takes 
him by the car and leads him off r —Minnehaha clinging to Hia- 
watha, exclaiming — 

Min. Oh, spare him ! — spare him, dear. Don't kill him quite ! 

No. Give it him — give it him ! It serves him right ! 

[All get well up and closed in. 

Scene III. — Landscape, or wood in two. Enter No-go-mis and Hiana- 
kite, laughinar, (l.) 

No. Didn't I tell you what a row there'd be. 

Hum. An<\ Yenadizzi licked, that tickles me. 
My gal tells her cli3p he's a jealous donkey, 
But that kiss that she got so raised his monkey 
That she can't gammon him to look it over. 

No. Poor Minnehaha, too has lost her lover. 



26 HIAWATHA 

Her goose is cooked, that Hiawatha sweaiB — 
He's done with her forever, lie declares. 
See. here he comes, and after him the gal, 
Four daughter, too. Now for a tragical, 
Comical, semi-serious pow-wow ; 
Let's stand aside and watch 'em, anyhow. 

[No-go-mis an.l Hianakite exit, l. 

Enter Hiawatha, r. 2 e. 

Hia. My heart's broke by the very girl that won it ; 
False Minnehaha's been and gone and done it. 
There's no one here for me to love or lick, 
" All. all is lost now" — so I'll cut my stick. 

Enter Pooh-pooh, supporting Minnehaha, r. 

Pooh. Pluck up a spirit, dear, and tell him flat, 
You want to know what sort of game he's at. 
You've done no wrong, and won't stand his abuse. 
Go to him — give him Jessy — 

Min. What's the use ? 
He won't believe me. 

Pooh. I'll speak to him : Here ! 
See, Mister — 'taint for me to interfere, 
But you'll break this girl's heart — that's what you will. 

Hia. I've had dor-darn had luck — so I guess I skill. 
She's bruk mine, anyhow. 

Min. Oh, don't say so ! 
What have I done 1 

Hia. Go, false one, G — g — go. 

REGIT. AND AIR.—" All is Lost Now." 
All is lost now ! Oh, I never — no, I never 
Could have thought as how you'd sever 
The true love's knot you tied with me. 
Cut, cut your stick, now, go, false deceiver. 
See this face, down which is running 
All the paint you once said made me look s< Running; 
Now 'tis plain you were but funning. 
Just to get me on a string, I see. 
Still round here I feel a sneaking 
Kindness, that would fain be leaking, 
'Bout which now 'tis not worth speaking, 
Since you've treated me so ill. 
Tho' that other cove may get ye. 
Strikes me that I've spoiled his prettj 
Yet. ne'er fear, I will not hit ye — 
No ! I love you, false one, still. 

[Minnehaha bursts into tears, and cries loud!} Exit Pooh*pooh, 
supporting Minnehaha, k. 



HIAWATHA. 



27 



Hia. Ah ! false to me 1 to me ? to me 1 to me 1 

[No-go-mis ailers, l., and signs to Hianakite to exit, which she dot ; 
then No-go-mis advances to Hiawatha., r. 

No. My son, in what a dreadful rage you be. 

Hia A vaunt ! begone ! thou damnable old hag ; 
I swear I'll tie your head up in a bag, 
If you provoke me farther. 

No. IIere*s a muss ! 

Hia. What sense had I of the infernal buss ; 
I didn't, see it 'till you told me on't. 
I'd all the kisses I could ask or want. 
She that is kissed, her husband thinking true, 
Let him not know it, and she's good as new ! [Crosses to U 

No. Weil, I declare, that's pretty talk to me. 

Ilia. I had been happy if each Cherokee, 
Pawnee, and all had kissed her cherry lip ; 
So I'd not known it, I'd not cared a fip ! 
Oh! now, forever, farewell the cheerful mug — 
Farewell, tobacco, and the whiskey jug ! 
Farewell, Ojibeways and Chickasaws — 
Farewell, my own crack tribe and the big wars, 
In which we licked our enemies. Oh, farewell, 
Farewell my togs, in which I've cut a swell, 
And oh, ye mortal Injuns, whose rude whoops 
Sweli in the breeze like fashionable hoops. 
Friends, foes. Kith, Kin, all, ail, and every one, 
Farewell ! This fellow's occupation's gone ! 

No. My son ! 

Hia [Seizing and shaking No-go-iMis.] Villain, be sure In kissed her 
be quite sure ! 
Swear thou hadst occular proof, or by this skewer, 
[Draws knife.] Thou better hadst been born a tinker's dog, 
Toad, skunk, worm, bed-bug, cock-roach, pollywog, 
Than raise my dander up! 

No. Upon my life ! 

Hia. If this be a base lie on my poor wife, 
Never smile more — abandon all your tods, 
There'll be the devil to pay, by all the Gods ; 
For nothing" can be too tarnation bad 
Natur'd for that. [Throws her off to l., and gets R. 

No. [Scolding violently.] Well, cuss your impudence, I'll starve you 
out. 
Knocking your poor old grandmother about 
And all because I told you for your wood, 
If I did n't see it. who the devil could T 
But there, I see I've been a precious fool, 
Nothing like taking family matters cool. 
She'il make a nice accommodating wife, 
And entertain your company to the life, 



28 



HIAWATHA. 



I've done ; from this I've nothing more to say, 
i r ou may just go to the devil your own way. 

[Exits Nogomis in a great rage, L. 1 
Hia. Th' old gal's in earnest, — would I were satisfied. 

Enter Nukkelundah k. 

Nuk. See here, these girls insist that they're belied ; 
Now that wont do lor me, and Poohpoohmamma 
Says J'm a fool ; I'm not so green tho' damme, 
As to be humbugged, by that sort of talk. 
I mean to make that fellow toe the chalk, 
You've had your fling at him, and I'll have mine. 

Hia. Kind heaven, I thank thee, for my cause is thine 
By one or both of us the slave shall die. 
Your hand. [They join hands. 

Nuk. But mind I'm in for the first shy. 

DUETT— Suoni la tromba. 
Nuk. 
If your'e the trump I think you are 

Loving your gal as I do, 
Ready to fight as drink you are, 
Then we shall put him through. 

Hia. 

I'm in the pool with you, my boy, 

For drinking and fighting too, 
But one at the time will do my boy, 

Either can put him through. 

Together. 
If you're the trump, &c. 

Loving your gal, &c. 
Ready to fight, (fee. 

You or I will put him through. [Exeunt l] 

Enter all the Indians, r. 
Wabun. Look'ee here, Injiins, here's a precious go ! 
I'm blest if I han 't struck a light '11 throw 
A reglar 'lumination on this muss 
About the gals ; that mischievous old cus 
Motber Nogomis and that other fright, 
What d'ye call her — old ma'am Hianakite, 
With Yenadizzi and old Dammidortur 
Know more of this here row than what they'd orter. 
I caught 'm all together a while ago 
Jawning like thunder all about it. — So 
I jist kept dark and listened for a spell. 
They could'nt see me, and I heern'em tell 
How it had been agreed to get that pup, 



HIAWATHA. 29 

That Yenadizzi dandy to shin up 

To both the gals to get their fellows riled, 

That their intended marriage might be spiled. 

Nukkelundah and to'ther have both gone' 

To pay the dandy for the work he's done. 

And here co.nes Minnehaha in a stew. 

Not knowing clearly what they mean to do. 

You keep her here and I'll engage 'fore long, 

To fix what the French call a Denoument! 

Strengthen a Sangaree with a small stick, 

And let her sip it for, poor thing, she's sick. [Exit Wabun l. 

Enter — Minnehaha, r. 1 distracted; dressed in white; hair down, 6cC 

Min. Come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, to dinner, 
You must eat, I wont have you any thinner, 
You're angry, ehl what harm, sir, have I spoken, 
Whip your ill nature ! get you to Hoboken, 
Oh, you're returned ! Am I to blame to love him. 
Come, stop that, you've no right to pinch and shove him, 
"Where art thou \ He's here somewhere ; love, where be ye 1 
Ah, Ketcheei Ketchee 1 Peep-bo! Ah I I see ye, 
Stand off, I say ! What, gone again ? Who'll dare 
To keep him from me \ Ha ! look there ! look there ! 

[Sings from " the Maniac."] 

I see him leap the garden wall, 

He heeds me not, 

No, by Evings ! I am not mad ! 

Oh, release me ! 

No, by Evings ! I am not mad 1 

Here he jumped down ; oh, I'll dig dig the den up. 
I've come to something to be digging men up. 

[Sings — from Lucia, and rushes off R. 1, L. 
At end of Mad scene — Yenadizzi is heard without, b. h. u. e. 

Yen. Help! help! help! murder! murder! help! 

Hia. [Outside, u.] Stop thief 1 

Nuk. [Outside, k.] Seize him ! Upset him ! 

Enter Yenadizzi, running breathlessly, b. u. 

Yen. If you'd just as lief, 
I'd rather you'd permit me to escape. 

Min. [Entering, b. 1. ; seizing him.'] Never! you got me into this 
vile scrape, 
You stole a kiss, an unprovoked attack. 

Yen. My dear, I'm quite prepared to give it back. 

Min. Wretch ! can you give me back my peace of mind 1 

Pooh [Also holding /urn.] What satisfaction, fool, am I to find ? 
Hav'nt I lost a husband ? 



80 HIAWATHA. 

Min. And I too? 

Yen. Damme, I'll marry both, if that '11 do. 

Hia. [Enter r. ; outside.] This way he ran f 

Nuk- [Outside, r ] Come on ! 

Mm. My love ! 

Puuh. And mine ! 

Hia. [Outside, a.] Vengeance 1 

Nuk. Destruction ! 

Hia. Torture ! 

Nuk. Death ! 

Yen. [Getting to l, corner.] " Dem fine ! " 

Enter Hiawatha and Nukkleundah r. u. hastily. 

Nuk. At last my turn is come, and thus I seize — 

[Lays hold of Yenadizzi, but Poohpooumammi seizes Nukkleundah 
and passes him over to r. 
Pooh. Turn yourself over here, sir, if you please, 
And have the goodness, will you, to keep cool. 

Nuk [Passionately.] Ma'am, do you take me for an arrant fool. 
Pooh. Of course 1 do ! 

Nukkelundah bursts away and stalks up followed by Poohpcohmammi. 

Min. [To Hiawatha.] pray hear reason, dear. 

Hin. My mind's made up ! 

Yen. So's my account, 1 fear ! 

Ilia. Seizing Yenaoizzi, and bringing him c] Nukkel, the victim'* 
yonrs, if now you claim him. 

Pooh, (n.) I'll slap your face, now, if you only name him. 

Nuk. (h.) Yes, but I tell you. 

Pooh. Hush up ! 

Nuk. I cave in ! 

Hia. Then thus I instantly t4 go in and win." 

[About to scalp Yenadizzi — Wabun speaks loudly as entering with 
Nogomis, Hianakite and Dammiooktur, tied in a rope, L. u. K. 

Wab [Down l. corner.] No, no— hold on ; don't hurt that .-silly cusi. 
These is the critters that made all the muss. 

Min. My father ! 

Pooh. Mother ! 

Wab. Yes, and aunty, here. 
Old Mrs. Belzebub came pretty near 
Fixing your flints, and blowing you to thunder, 
For they was bent on keeping you asunder, 
And so they set that fool a making love 
To both the gals. 

Min. Oh, if you could but prove 
That interesting fact beyond a doubt, 
From all this bother it would help us out ; 
Form a convenient climax to our play 
And end things in the good ©id-fashioned way. 



HIAWATHA. 



31 



[A loud, slou. whoop heard at back ; all separate to either side, look 
about and listen. 

Hia. " If I were superstitious, I should say," 
Some one's about ycur wishes to obey ; 
But tho' I own at present 'tis obscure, 
It only wants a gong to make me sure. 

[Gong — change to fancy scene, discovering Gitche Manito. 

Git. [Adva?icmg c ] To clear up, then, this troublesome mishap, 
Save some blue fire and a vampire trap, 
I come, like an established fairy queen. 
To make you happy in a new last scene. 

Hia. Tis Gitchie Manito ! oh, welcome tones ! 
I knew he'd come, I felt it in my bones 

Git. I heard your wish, and knew just what you meant. 

Min. Speak ! 

Pooh. Quick ! 

JVuL My Pooh ! 

Hia. My Min ! 

Git. [ Very loud.] Is innocent ! [Indians yell. 

TV k \ S weet » injured excellence — come to my heart. 
[Hiawatha, who is l. c, and Nukkleundah, who is r c, back 
quickly upon Gitchi-manito. and knock him down; he gets vp, and 
limp, off. while Minnehaha a»d Hiawatha, and Nukkleundah and 
Poohpoohmammi, meet and embrace. — No-go-miss, Hianakite, and 
Dammidortur. vpsct Wabun and Exeunt, l. 1. — Yenadizzi steals 
across from r. to l., but is checked by Hiawatha's voice. 
Yen. I guess it's about time I should depart. 
Hia. Yes, cut your stick, follow your crowd along, 

We let up on 'em, tho' perhaps 'tis wrong, 

The attempt and not the deed recoils upon 

All who'd dissolve our happy Union. 

[The Symphony of "Finale'" is commenced, when Minnehaha advances, 

and stops the Leader. 
Min. One moment if you please 

I To Audience ] Should you ask me whence this drama, 

Whence these cut-woods and setpieces, 

With the impress of the Forest, 

With the smell of Metamora, 

With the rushing of live supers, 

W T ith its frequent song and chorus, 

And its queer instrumentation, 

As of scoring by La Manna 1 

I should answer — I should tell you — 

From Longfellow's " Hiawatha," 

From the song of the Professor, 

The edition of one Ticknor. 

From the store of Mr. Lorkwood ; — 

You have seen it as 'tis altered 

By the pen of Charley Walcot 



o2 HIAWATHA. 

The Comedian, the Mummer. 

Should you ask where Charley Walcot 

Found his version of the story, 

This his murder of Longfellow ; 

I should answer — I should tell you — 

In the scarcity of suhjects, 

In the dearth of striking subjects. 

In the knowledge of its value. 

In its value for its title. 

Ye who love extravaganza. 

Love to laugh at all things funny, 

Love the bold anachronism, 

And the work of paste and scissors, 

And " the unities" destruction, 

Nigger airs, old glees and catches, 

Interspersed with gems of Op'ra. 

Jokes and puns. good, bad and so-so, — 

Come and see this mutilation, 

This disgraceful Hiawatha, 

Mongrel, doggrel Hiawatha ! 

FINALE.— "VMisire d'Amore. 

Min. Our mimic troubles ended, we have nothing else to do, 
But turn with some anxiety, kind gentlefolks to you, 
In hopes you'll come again, and bring your friends to see our 

pranks, 
That we long may have your countenance and you our hearty 
thanks. 
Chorus. In hopes, &c. 

Nuk. My little woman here and [ may sometimes have a spat 

Pooh. My dear, don't be absurd 

Nuk. My love, I will speak, and that's flat. 
An angry word may now and then, like bitters in the cup 
Of life, disturb our sweets 

Pooh. What then 1 
' Nuk. We'll kiss and make it up. 

Chorus. An angry word, &c. 

MORAL. 

Hia. As with them, so with these happy States, still let the maxim 
be, 
Shake hands and make it up again, whene'er they disagree. 
As with us, so may the enemies of Union ever fail. 
And patriot hearts and hands protect what treason would 
assail. 
Chorus. As with us, &c. 






[Catalogue continued from second page of c< r> 



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12. The Barrack Room, 

13. Luke the Laborer, 

14. Beauty and the Beast, 

15. St. Patrick's Eve, 

16. Captain of the Watch. 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Miss C. WEM- 
V S3. 


17 The Secret, [Peppers 

18 White Horse of the 

19 The Jacobite, 

20 The Bottle. 

21 Box and Cox, 

22 Bamboozling, 

23 Widow's Victim, 

24 Robert Macaire. 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mr. F. S. 
CHANFRAU. 


25 Secret Service, 

26 Omnibus, 

27. Irish Lion, 

28. MaidofCroissv, 

29. The Old Guard, 

30. Raising the Wind, 

31. Slasher and Crasher, 

32. Naval Engagements. 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Miss ROSE 
TELBIN. 


VO*L. V. 


VOL. VI. VOL. VII. 


VOL. VIII. 


33. Cocknies in California 

34. "Who Speaks First 7 

35. Bombastes Furioso, 

36. Macbeth Travestie. 

37. Irish Ambassador, 

38. Delicate Ground, 

39. The Weathercock, 

40. All that Glitters is 

not Gold. 

"With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of W. A. GOOaLL. 


41. rjrimshaw, Bagshaw 

and R'adshaw, 

42. Rotigi Diamond, 

43. Bl >omer Costume, 

44. Two a .nuTcastles, 
43. Born to Good Lrick, 

46. Kiss in the Dark, 

47. 'Twould Puzzle a 

Conjuror, 

48. Kill or Cure. 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of F. M. KENT. 


49 Box and Cox Married 

50 St. Cupid [and Settled 

51 Go-to-bed Tom, 

52 The Lawyers, 

53 Jack Sheppard, 

54 The T oodles, 

55 The Mobcap, 

56 Ladies Beware. * 
With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of SOL. SMITH. 


57 Morning Call, 

58 Popping the Question, 

59 Deaf as a Post, 

60 New Footman, 

61 Pleasant Neighbor, 

62 Paddy the Piper, 

63 Brian O'Linn, 

64 Irish Assurance. 


VOL. IX. 


VOL. X. 


VOL. XI. VOL. XII. 


65 Temptation. 

66 Paddy Carey, 

67 Two Gregories, 

68 King Charming, 

69 Po-ca-hon-tas, 

70 Clockmaker'sHat, 

71 Married Rake, 

72 Love and Murder. 


73 Ireland and America, 

74 Pretty Piece of Busi- 

ness, 

75 Irish Broom-maker, 

76 To Paris and Back for 

Five Pounds, 

77 That Blessed Baby, 

78 Our Gal, 

79 Swiss Cottage, 

80 Young Widow. 


81 O'Flannigan and the 

82 Irish Post, [Faries 

83 My Neighbor's Wife, 

84 Irish Tiger, 

85 P.P., or Man & Tiger, 

86 To Oblige Benson, 

87 State Secrets, 

88 Irish Yankee. 


89 A Good Fellow, 

90 Cherry and Fair Star, 

91 Gale Breezely, 

92 Our Jemimy, 

93 Miller's Maid, 

94 Awkward Arrival, 

95 Crossing the Line, 

96 Conjugal Lesson. 


vol. xni. 


VOL. XIV. VOL. XV. VOL. XVI. 


97 My Wife's Mirror, 

98 Life in New York, 

99 Middy Ashore, 

100 Crown Prince, 

101 Two Queens, 

102 Thumping Legacy, 

103 UnfinishedGentleman 

104 House Dog. 


105 The Demon Lover, 

106 Matrimony, 

107 In and Out of Place, 

108 I Dine with My Mo- 

109 Hi-a-wa-tha, [ther, 

110 Andy Blake, 

111 Love in '76, [culties 

112 Romance under Diffi- 


113 One Coat for 2 Suits, 

114 A Decided Case, 

115 Daughter, [Minority, 

116 No; or, the Glorious 

117 Coroner's Inquisition 

118 Love in Humble Life, 

119 Family Jars, . 

120 Personation. 


121 Children in the Wood 

122 Winning a Husband, 

123 Day after the Fair, 

124 Make Your Wills, 

125 Rendezvous, 

126 My Wife's Husband, 

127 Monsieur Tonson, 

128 Illustrious Stranger. 


VOL. XVII. VOL. XVIII. 


VOL. XIX. 


VOL. XX. 


129 Mischief-Making, 

130 A Live Woman in the 

131 The Corsair, [Mines, 

132 Shylock, 

133 Spoiled Child, 

134 Evil Eye, 

135 Nothing to Nurse, 

136 Wanted a Widow. 


137 Lottery Ticket. 

138 Fortune's Frolic. 

139 Is he Jealous'.' 
HO Married Bachelor. 
!41 Husband at Sieht. 
1,42 Irishman in London. 

143 Animal Magnetism. 

144 Highways & P.y-Ways 


145 Columbus, [Beard, 
14fi Harlequin Blue 

147 T adieus at Home, 

148 Phenomenon in a 

Smock Frock. 

149 Comedy and Tragedy 

150 Opposite Neighbors. 

151 Dutchman's (.host. 

152 Persecuted Dutchman 


1.53 Musard Ball. 

154 Great Tragic Revival 

I 


PL. AYS 158% CEiVTs EACH— BOl'NO VOLUMES, $1. 


5£F* Plays sent by mail, an 1 postal p-iiJL on receipt of Vl% cents each, in money or 


stamps. Ten plays sent by Express for one doll ir. 


* # * All orders will receive prompt attention. A new Play published every week. 


SK«PAn Alphabetical List i>f 850 Plays sent by mail on receipt of a postage stamp. 


SAMLEIi FREAXH. Publisher, 


122 Nassau St.. (upstairs.) 


OtlT See List of Standard Drama on second and third pages o! covers.- 











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